Lost In A Melody

P!nk in the Radio 1 Live Lounge part 1 - in which she performs a splendid cover of Girl On Fire by Alicia Keys, who also happens to be her label mate and in the middle of her own single and album campaign. I see what you did there RCA and it’s very clever so I’m gonna give you this one.  It sounds like Christina Aguilera is just a lazy flop who can’t be arsed to promote her own songs but will sit in a revolving chair and talk about how “music lovers” are the only people that truly understand her.

But yeah, this cover is wicked. Makes the song slightly more listenable. 


WELL THIS SOUNDS AMAZING.


Well the good news is that Your Body and its just-released music video are both VERY Christina Aguilera and it doesn’t feel like she’s compromised herself in anyway. The bad news is that being very “Christina Aguilera” essentially means that almost all audio and visual references have already been used up by her contemporaries over the past couple of years and once again the slutty starlet is playing catch up - unsuccessfully this time, as Your Body couldn’t be more generic if it tried and the video is just pants.


500 Posts Of Summer

Although technically I did start in late winter/early spring. But hurrah’s all round anyway.

Let’s celebrate with some “top stories”

RedOne assures us that Lady Gaga’s new LP will be shocking. Incidentally, last night I dreamt I heard a top secret preview of the next single. It was called Born This Way and it was a huge bombastic piano led affair, with slight electronic undertones. There was rumours she would have brown hair in the video. Take from that what you will.

Example has blasted the new Alexandra Burke song and offered to write her a better one. First of all, he has a point (GASP), and secondly - That. Would be. Amazing.

The first Blondie album in about 7 years is going to be called Panic Of Girls. Blondie are undoubtedly brilliant (as far as I can tell from the Greatest Hits anyway) so I’d predict this should result in at least half an album of top quality tunes. Maybe even more.

Hurts have said they managed to get Kylie to appear on their debut album by wooing her with a love letter. They also went on to describe her as the most beautiful woman in the world. I do not like this story as I was secretly hoping that they were gay, and Theo has already let me down.

The increasingly depressing story of Christina Aguilera’s career has hit new lows, as she allegedly starts performing private gigs to make up for her album losses. She also claims fans are calling her “Gaga Lite” None of this is probably true at all, but it still highlights the fact that Bionic was by the far the second most underwhelming musical event of my life. The first being Britney’s VMA performance, and even then she managed to bring out a fucking great album after.

Almost every Internet article relating to this story has the headline; “Röyksopp Too Senior To Play Live” See what they did there? SEE?! Amazing journalism going on right there. Everybody loves a good pun. Its a shame nobody bothered to Google the story first and make sure their amazing pun hadn’t been already used about a million times. Honestly.

Oh, if you’d like to actually read the story, there’s a nice version here.

That was the “top stories” There is an even bigger, more amazing story that overshadows all of these, but I’m going to post that separately to give it the glory it fully deserves.


That Boy Is A Night Nurse…

So I’m sure you all remember Lady Gaga right?

She had that debut single, Just Dance.

Then she tried to wow us all with Poker Face.

Well now she has a brand new single out. Its called Monster.

This is a terrible. She’s clearly ripping off of Cascada’s style.

WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS EVER END?! WHEN WILL LADY GAGA JUST QUIT HER STUPID UNORIGINAL ACT. SHE’S JUST A SHAMELESS MIMIC COPYING OFF MADONNA AND M.I.A. AND GRACE JONES AND CHRISTINA AGUILERA. AND SHE CAN’T EVEN SING SHE SOUNDS LIKE A SHITTY AUTO-TUNED ROBOT.

I think I’m gonna have to go and listen to some Just Jack to help me calm down.


So what are we thinking? Is the film gonna bump record sales?


A Trio Of Fantastic Things

The Saturdays might just get Number One. I wouldn’t put bets on it though.

Christina Aguilera has left RCA for Live Nation. Girl, it ain’t the promotion or the label that’s slowing you down (well it is, but still) its the fact that the album only had like 5 good songs and awesome bonus tracks.

Rosanna has made a video for Waterfall.

ROSANNA | MySpace Music Videos

I’m sure you’ll agree that was indeed three fantastic items, and therefore that was not a misleading title in the slightest.


If David Lynch had directed it, Christina would inexplicably transform into Nicole Scherzinger halfway through the film.

Looks good though doesn’t it?


WARNING - Sounds an awful lot like Christina Aguilera’s I Am

Here’s the good news; I adore the way she pronounces the word “sentences.” And this album appears to be getting better and better.


In/Out

I’m not saying I’m right, its just stuff accumulated from my own observations.

IN:

  • Boys. And lots of them. Its a good time to form a boy band.
  • Hip-hop. But mixed with other genres like rock. Both dark, intense, personal songs, and happy, throwaway, acoustic yarns.
  • Genres inspired by music from around the world. Particularly things like dancehall.
  • Dance music (for a little while longer anyway). But not the kind where the same word is repeated about 175 times.
  • Songs about personal struggle and life’s hardships.
  • Foreign languages. Especially “Neo-Latin.”
  • Sexy R&B. Post-I Am Sasha Fierce style. Old school but with fresh twists.

OUT:

  • Girlbands. Definitely. We’re sick of the drama.
  • Dance music where the same word is repeated about 175 times.
  • Christina Aguilera.
  • Big budget, “event” music videos with thick plots and heavy product placement.
  • Songs about having a good time in the club and getting all the boys/girls.
  • Katie Price/Peter Andre.
  • Winning awards. BORING.
  • Indie music (still).
  • Anything associated with reality television.

NEITHER HERE NOR THERE:

  • Lady Gaga.

<br/><a href="http://video.uk.msn.com/watch/video/exclusive-christina-aguilera-you-lost-me/2tkpx2mx?from=video_module&fg=sharenoembed" target="_new"title="EXCLUSIVE: Christina Aguilera - You Lost Me">Video: EXCLUSIVE: Christina Aguilera - You Lost Me</a>

And that, my friends, is how you make a simple yet effective music video, for a simple yet effective song.

There’s a tad too much “How can this be happening to me” hair grabbing for my liking, but it works. Well done Christina.

Song has grown on me too.